What is in my name?

Morrigan. Eight letters. As a child having to explain that my name was "morr-i-gan" and not "mor-gan"  grew to be tiring so as I got older I just told people it was pronounced the same as "morgan". However, this did not go over well when my mother found out. She explained that she had picked out my name for a good reason and tells me it will serve me well to embrace it. I am told that I am named after the Celtic goddess of famine, war, and strife. Powerful and strong. Confident in her abilities and does not take anything from anyone. That is quite the name to live up too. My entire life I was told my name represented a powerful figure who was seen as a beacon of hope for women everywhere but I did not truly understand this until I researched who she was. My first name has always been the thing that has made me feel different from everyone else. While the pronunciation is similar to one of the most popular names in the country it is still different. I think that's why I like it, it has some similarities but it is still different. While I struggled with this idea of difference as a child, I know now as I've gotten older that it is something to embrace and be proud of and not something to hide. This name defines me. My name IS me and everything I hope TO be.

The Morrigan

My last name is Potter. Originating from a Middle English job title. A literal potter; someone who made pottery. Since then it has grown to be both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is the fact that it offsets the heavy nature of my first name and makes me sound more "normal". The curse is rather personal. It represents the side of my family I no longer talk to, it reminds me of the family I don't have a relationship with, and the family I haven't even met. It reminds me of my father and the struggles he had to go through as a child. It defines me as someone with a complicated family history. While it is a fairly common last name and does not have a super fascinating history its value to me is complex and defining.

19th Century English Pottery

I agree with Anna Quindlen and her essay regarding her dual personality. I think that I am two people, one who is a sister, a daughter, a family person. Then the other part of me is different and unique and singular. Morrigan and Morrigan Potter are different yet both are who I am and both provide values and limitations to who I am as a whole. As Morrigan, I am an individual who defines herself as someone of a powerful nature. When I am Morrigan Potter I am a part of a group, one who works together to define the meaning of who the Potter's are and their significance both in the past and now.

Morrigan is logical, loud, and determined. She wants what she wants and goes out and gets it. She lives for herself and feels little remorse about being independent. She is who most people see. Morrigan Potter has a little brother who constantly wants her attention, she is the daughter of parents who work full time and are constantly away for business. She has to think about others and live for others. Both of these people are me. Without one I am not complete. 

I think the struggle of dual identities is something that everyone goes through and is a very relatable topic and common problem. Everyone has the person they present to the world, the one that is ideal and the one that is their "best" version of themselves.

My first name shows the person I am, not because of society's definition or its historical significance but because of the definition I've given it. Through my actions and personality, both of these definitions are true, but it doesn't completely define me because it ignores the focus and importance of my family. I constantly feel guilty for wanting to distinguish myself between my individual self and my role in my family and wanting to be an individual rather than a group. By accepting my name in its entirety I am able to acknowledge my full self and become both Morrigan the individual and Morrigan Potter the family member.